When backpackers travel through South East Asia, they definitely go to Thailand and most of them visit Vietnam, but sometimes they overlook the tiny piece of a country that is Laos. On my way to Vietnam last year, I decided to stop in Vang Vieng because I'd heard so very many stories from travelling friends about the dangerous, drunken, dirty time they'd had tubing in Vang Vieng.
Do You Want To Go Tubing in Vang Vieng?
To the faint of heart and germophobes, I strongly discourage tubing down the river. If you envision chlorinated water, massive slide arrangements and well-situated toilets with plumbing, you will be sorely disappointed.
Tubing in Vang Vieng means taking a long bus ride from (most likely) the capital Vientiane or the quaint Luang Prabang. It also means arriving in a little farming village with three streets, too many restaurants exclusively playing Friends reruns for their clientele, and many white people, most of whom have a slight or very strong Irish accent.
It rains a great deal in Laos. In fact, if you somehow end up in Vang Vieng during the rainy season like I did, you will be warned that it is quite dangerous. You will also be told that it takes three hours to do the course in the dry season, and less than one hour during the wet months. You will even be offered a very unappealing life vest, glance around at everyone else proudly wearing nothing but their swimsuits and newly purchased 'Tubing in Laos' tank top, and you will say 'no thanks'. Nobody wants to be Life Vest Guy.
From there, you follow the wet, dirty, bare-footed and slightly injured backpackers to the 'tubing office' where you are given a tube, a number, a big smile and a shove in the back of a pick-up truck. You are then taken to the starting point, a river-side bar with buckets being handed out like candy.
Veterans can spot newcomers right away by the way they stare nervously at the very brown, very fast rapids with a slight glint of panic and apprehension in their eyes. Of course, the most rational and logical thing to do is to abandon your flip flops, grab a bucket and watch the scene unfold before you work up the nerve to join.
On The Tube, Rolling Down The Vang Vieng River
What happens next is somewhat inexplicable, but I will attempt to shed some lights on the events of tubing down the Vang Vieng river. There are about twelve to fifteen bars scattered all along the length of the river, and you can go wherever the party is loudest by simply letting the river carry you and stopping where you want.
How does one achieve this, you might ask, since tubes generally do not have brakes? You struggle to paddle to the bank but end up yelling inexplicable words to the amused locals who do not speak English. They in turn laugh at your flailing, throw a sand-filled bottle tied to a rope in your general direction and reel you in, should you be lucky enough to catch it. Otherwise it's on to the next bar.
You struggle some more to climb up the steps/dock/plank of wood and go up the mud slide to drink another bucket at the bar. You play mud volleyball, tug-of-war, jump off tarzan ropes, dance or slide down the aptly named Death Slide (side note: I slid down the Death Slide without knowing people had actually died using it--it is rusty, metallic and almost V-shaped. I do not recommend it.). You can also impress everyone by doing some stupid dangerous stunt without remembering that the nearest hospital is hours away.
Finally, you round up your friends if bucket number five did not convince you to float on to check if the "last bar" sign actually meant it, and painfully walk back to the village on jagged rocks holding your much-heavier tube now that you are tired and probably smashed. You shower, change, eat, rest... and chances are you will do it all again the following day.
Necessary "Safety" Tips When You Go Tubing
The irony of talking about safety when you are tubing drunk down brown rapids without a vest is not lost on me. However, there are a few tips which will definitely help make your time fun as opposed to possibly deadly.
1. Being practical: zip your money somewhere safe but do not bring anything else under any circumstances. You can purchase waterproof pouches in the village if you must. Do not bring your camera!
2. You will need to wear a shirt or tank top, as bikinis and bare chests are heavily frowned upon. Purchase or wear something you do not care about, because the mud will never fully come out, regardless of what those Tide adverts say.
3. Pay attention to everyone else, and leave for the day when you notice large groups leaving. There are no clocks anywhere and you can only tell time by watching others leave. You do not, under any circumstances, want to be stuck floating rapidly down a long, wild river with no lights or people when night falls. You will not survive.
4. Another reason to leave before it gets dark: you will lose your tube money deposit after the 5 pm deadline.
5. There are about five bars which have a sign claiming to be the 'last bar' because they want you to stop there and take an expensive taxi back to town. The actual last bar is fairly far down the river, and you can stop at a clearing on the left, which is only a few hundred meters from the tubing office.
6. Do not miss the last bar! You will float... on, and on and on.
7. If you have any cuts or open wounds, apply some anti-bacterial ointment before going in the river, and shower right after getting out. The river is extremely dirty.
8. Purchase some eye drops and use them before and after as well as a preventative measure. Like in Thailand, conjunctivitis is extremely common, painful and annoying.
9. If it rains a tremendous amount, the river will overflow. Without exaggerating in the slightest, the water level can rise 5-7 meters (it did when I was there) and the speed of the current will double, taking along with you an array of broken trees, garbage, dead animals, fecal matters, etc. I strongly advise you not to go tubing if the river has overflowed... it quickly takes the day from a fun, slightly dangerous outing to a panic-ridden "I will drown" kind of day.
10. Think before you act! Dangerous stunts are stupid. You are much better off chatting, dancing and mud-wrestling with some renegade travellers.
No one can fully grasp the world of Vang Vieng and tubing in Laos without actually going and doing it. It is extremely fun as well as a great way to meet fellow travellers who are probably following the same backpacker circuit and who have great insights about possible destinations. Just like at the Full Moon Party, use your judgement, knock on wood and you should leave Vang Vieng with only a few memorable battle scars.
Shanna Roberts-Salee - Shanna is 24 years old and at a loss for describing herself. She enjoys off-colour jokes, Douglas Coupland and all things Bob ...
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